


the missing colour

by elios (zostir)



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Christmas, Composing, Concerts, Dates? no dates, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, anyway my single braincell thought it was a good idea to write leo's pov, but i love u ok, i love u leo but you're the kind of character i can't write at all, so they don't have a christmas date, ten years later & leo still calls him suo~ bc i thought it was appropriate, things do not go the way leo hoped they would
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21573574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zostir/pseuds/elios
Summary: "I'll write you a piece that will make you love yourself, Suo."Tonight is the night of the concert. The night when Tsukasa will finally hear the song Leo composed for him.
Relationships: Suou Tsukasa/Tsukinaga Leo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	the missing colour

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iloveseiya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveseiya/gifts).



> didi don't complain and take it, it's not even a proper gift and it's not that satisfying but i thought you deserved to have leokasa for christmas

Leo was upset Tsukasa was sitting two rows behind him, in spite of his status and their relationship. Uneasiness worked its ways through his nerves, and he bit the top of his nails without thinking. This was a serious issue, if the receiver of his music wasn't next to him, close enough for Leo to gauge his reactions, then what was the point of this whole event? He would complain about it to the director once the concert was over.

Then the orchestra played the first note, and all his worries were washed away.

Even though Leo attended several repetitions, even though he knew the impact of his music, it came out as a surprise. The piece was as powerful as a tsunami dying at the feet of the housings, leaving behind the bite of unrelenting swells; it started strong and continued slow, but not that slow, a decrescendo supposed to leave time for the audience to breathe. Leo's music was several things at once: changing and unexpected, it held the power to fascinate. Be it a school stage or one of the most prestigious music venues of the country, it knew how to be accepted, making an impression without shocking. This was Leo's special talent, a gift he could only expose on a score.

His thoughts soon drifted back to Tsukasa, and he turned his head, trying to see his face. However, the room was plunged into darkness, so all he saw was the shadow of a face. He was disappointed, but there was nothing he could do. On the other hand, the members of the orchestra were quite expressive; during the repetitions, their faces were always closed off, but now they looked truly happy to be performing.

This piece was particular. Sora said it was purple, the same purple as Suou Tsukasa's eyes. But maybe that was also the colour Leo had in mind while he was composing. It was the only thing he thought about, of course; there were hints of Mozart's Requiem, even if he hated it, and there were hints of love too - a love so powerful, so destructive he was often overwhelmed by its sheer force.

The audience came for his name, but Tsukasa came for him alone.

He composed this piece because he had a point to prove. This triptych was almost a challenge, in a way; one Tsukasa didn't realize he was throwing, and Leo picked it up anyway. And this was why Tsukasa should have been by his side: Leo wanted to see the gleam of defeat in his eyes.

The first part was about meetings that don't go well, and an epiphany on Leo's end. At some point, his life had been filled with self-loathing and harsh pain; it was suitable for someone who hurt the people he loved. He would often wake up at night, haunted by Izumi's face, hearing him calling _Ousama_ , throwing his name's away in favour of a title that was meaningless. His own music was a pain. He still composed, for he couldn't stop, but he hated every sound he got out of his mind. They were hideous, a bunch of notes as sharp as tiny blades, piercing his heart - and he couldn't stop.

Then he had to come back, to face the same expectations as the ones who broke him - had to face this newbie who expected him to be a king, when he was nothing but a fallen tyrant.

He remembered telling Tsukasa once, when the younger boy was caressing his hair to soothe the beginning of a headache: "I could never hate you, you know, Suou, but when we met I was close to."

He expected Tsukasa to be disappointed, to scold him; yet his lover only shook his head. "But you can't hate anyone, Leo-san."

And Tsukasa wasn't wrong: if he wasn't able to hate Tenshouin Eichi in spite of all the hurt he caused him, then Leo was stranger to these feelings. The only person he could truly hate was himself, other people always managed to find a way in his heart.

"That's why I wanted you to be my king, anyway", Tsukasa went on, voice calm and warm, his finger lightly scraping Leo's temple. "You were ready to throw yourself away for the sake of your knights. I wanted to follow someone who knew what sacrificing oneself means."

Did he really understand what it means? Leo wasn't sure Tsukasa truly saw who he was. But after years of living together, he realized Tsukasa had seen right through him all this time; he only didn't understand he had. But that was why he managed to guess what Leo needed.

This part was about regrets, and unnecessarily worry. Leo had learnt the price of his carefreeness: it was at the expense of another person, and this person had become Tsukasa.

Leo was quick to notice how easily Tsukasa was prompt to fret; every time he had to ensure his leader (and then his partner) was not skipping unit activities, he had to fight against a wave of anxiety, and Leo was the only one who noticed the true extent of his uneasiness. Yet, he never complained once. Tsukasa believed it was his duty, as the youngest member of the unit; at first, he considered himself as a squire more than a knight, so his assistance was required. And Leo wasn't the best at taking care of himself, so he had to rely on Tsukasa.

Leo tried to be careful. But it wasn't that easy; his mind was full of songs and of his knights and of Tsukasa, so he couldn't remember things he didn't deem important. And as time passed, and they fell in love with each other, Leo started to realize how problematic his memory was. Tsukasa was his boyfriend, not his dad or his chaperone; he was in charge of the Suou business, now that his father was too weak to take care of the affairs himself; and he was still the leader of Knights, since Leo decided he didn't want the title anymore. He accepted all these charges out of his own will, reassuring Leo that it wasn't too much, that Leo wasn't forcing him to do anything; and Leo thought, _I have to take care of him too_.

But after he graduated, he had to travail outside of Japan regularly, letting Tsukasa behind. Leo thought it was a great opportunity to prove him he was able to live by himself. He sent messages to Tsukasa, as many as he could; telling him everything he was doing, the people he was meeting, the places he was visiting - and, sometimes, sending random pics of cats. Tsukasa's replies were laconic, but it was mostly due to fatigue; when Leo called him, he could hear it in his voice, and his affection only leaked out from the sweet words he uttered when they had to hang up.

Then one day, Leo forgot his phone in his room. It wasn't serious; he stopped losing his phone and wallet a long time ago, so he didn't think much of it. However, when he came home and saw the thirty missed calls and fifty unread messages he got while he was away, he understood Tsukasa never stopped worrying about him. "Please don't forget your phone ever again", Tsukasa said, and Leo answered: "But I thought my messages were bothering you."

The violins trembled the same way Tsukasa's voice did when he said: "Not knowing how you are doing bothers me more."

The music seemed on the verge of dying. The audience almost didn't dare to breathe; even Leo, who knew what was to come, felt tense. Oh, how he regretted not being close to Tsukasa, so he could lean and whisper in his ear, _this part is about you_.

Of course, Leo always thought of him while composing. When he was a high school, he never admitted it to Tsukasa - that from the very moment Tsukasa accepted him as his king, he who was so adamant to fight him, every song Leo wrote had something of him hidden in the most secret parts of the melody. Even if he wasn't the main focus of the song, even if Leo was still taking the spotlight - there was Tsukasa in the shadows of the sounds, his diligence, his bravery, his altruism resounding like an echo.

Choosing him as the next leader of Knights was an easy decision. Leo had known it almost from the start: there wasn't anyone who loved this unit more - Leo's unit, the group he swore he would protect but ended up running away from. And Leo never regretted his decision; he hoped Tsukasa would take the crown in the end, and when the boy did, he was almost relieved he didn't stop being an idol.

As a king, Tsukasa was fair and strong; as a knight, Leo was a coward. It was only a given to let him make the decisions for all of them.

The rhythm became slow and cautious. Because even if Tsukasa was Leo's light, even if he brought him back to life, there were parts of him that didn't shine. There were parts of him full of anxiety and doubt, parts he repressed under a gentle smile and the promise to work harder. That's what he told Leo, anyway, one day when he overworked himself during practice and collapsed as soon as they went home. Leo had noticed his too pale complexion, the way he had winced when he sat in the car as if he was in pain, the relief in his eyes when he got out, but he couldn't ignore it anymore. As Leo was scolding him, Tsukasa looked at him with a pained expression and a soft smile. "But, Leo-san, my hard work is all I have for me."

And Leo lost it. "Who are you? You are not Suou Tsukasa."

"... Huh?"

"Suou Tsukasa is like the sun. He has a pretty face and a pretty voice. He has the warmest heart and he never gives up on people. So he wouldn't give up on himself. He wouldn't look down on himself as you do."

Tsukasa eyes were wide and surprised when he heard the words. As if he didn't expect Leo to think so highly of him. Tsukasa never understood why Leo was loving him, and Leo couldn't really explain. But before Tsukasa could talk, Leo claimed:

"Suou was a present who made me love myself again. So, I'll give you a gift that will make you love yourself, too. Mark my word, King of Knights!"

So this was what he wanted to offer to Suou. A piece of music about his sorrow and about his affection. A song that would be listened by all but fully understood by him alone.

As the last notes resounded, the audience started clapping. The applause sounded like thunder, but Leo didn't mind. He turned his head towards Tsukasa, whose face he could see now that the lights were turned on again. He believed the specks shoning on his cheeks were tears. But Leo didn't feel like he had won. In the end, he was the one who needed Tsukasa more than the contrary.

And there was a missing piece in his music - something very, _very_ important he should have included, but he didn't know what.

*

Leo couldn't go back to their hotel room right away; he had to meet the director of the orchestra to congratulate him and to talk about the next performance. He was now used to it, so it wasn't really a bother, and, to the great relief of Tsukasa, he knew how to behave.

On the desk, there was a picture of a previous opera held behind these walls. Leo glanced at it, his eyes attracted to a particular shade of red that looked familiar. An actor was wearing a silk doublet, sleeves piqued with gold, and the colour, coupled with the head up and the soft smile, reminded him of Tsukasa. He thought he should suggest him to use the same hue for their next costume, even if red was more his colour than Knights'.

"Why didn't you place Suou next to me? I told you I wanted him by my side for the performance."

The director flinched. "My apologies. You warned us too late, and the first rows were already taken. We couldn't ask the people who bought their tickets to change their seat..."

His voice was hesitant, and he was trying to be polite, knowing Leo would decline him if he didn't recognize his boyfriend deserved another seat. Leo swung on his chair, a smirk blooming on his face.

"Is that so? Well, maybe next time I'll give you the sheets after the deadline. If the concert is delayed, then there won't be any problem, right?"

It wasn't like him, to threaten someone like that; however, dating the heir of a renowned family, and being open about their relationship in spite of the obstacles, forced him to sharpen his blade. Another thought of Tsukasa came to his mind, _you're only hard on people when you have something to protect_ , and he realized he wouldn't mind fighting the whole world for him.

"Tsukinaga-san, please. We'll be careful next time. I'll put a note in your dossier, so don't joke about that."

Leo's smirk turned into a beaming smile, which seemed to ease the tension between them. "Of course. Thank you for your concern."

Still, he felt a bit agitated - as if the fight wasn't over yet.

Tsukasa wasn't in the hall when Leo went out, and a glance at his phone told him he had already reached their hotel room. Leo ignored the lines telling him he could call Tsukasa's driver when he was done. He crossed the deserted hall humming his last song. As if he would take advantage of the Suou's fortune. He was perfectly able to find his way back to the hotel by himself, it was less than a 5-minute walk after all! Tsukasa was overprotective in this regard; Leo has bettered his sense of direction over the years he spent far from him.

(Besides, he still wasn't at ease with Tsukasa's servants. It could have something to do with his servants manhandling him the first time he met them, but of course, he denied it was the case.)

Well, in the end, it took almost double the time to find his hotel, but he wasn't lost. Only distracted by the Christmas lights - if you didn't look at them properly, they were drowned into the sea of the neons and the street lamps, unnoticeable, but Leo thought it was a shame. Even if, to his eyes, they were an excess of light tearing the night apart, he knew Tsukasa would have enjoyed them. He wouldn't have admitted it, but Leo would have known. So he took the time to appreciate the sight too, and somehow, it triggered his inspiration too.

Leo knew how to control his urge to compose, now. He had no choice: as he became an adult, his eccentricities were less and less tolerated. So he adapted, learnt how to keep the melody in his mind, waiting for the right moment to be released. He did miss the moment when he was free to compose at any given moment, but on the other hand, his new discipline gave him another form of freedom: he now knew how to enjoy the present moment.

He walked to the lift and then stopped right in his track, realizing there was a small problem. So he called Tsukasa, who picked up almost right away, as if waiting for him.

"Suou, what's our room?"

He heard an exasperated sigh at the other end of the line, and thought for a second Tsukasa would hang up without replying. Sure, Leo forgot fewer things when he was on his own, but when Tsukasa could remember things for him, then why bother?

"Suite 303, Leo-san." And now, Tsukasa really hung up. Leo refrained a laugh. He was so glad they reached the point of their relationship when Tsukasa could be rude with him.

A few minutes later, Leo knocked on the door. He probably had the key in one of his pockets, but no will to look for it. Besides, he heard a chair scraping the floor, and the lock was undone. If Tsukasa didn't mind taking care of him, then Leo wasn't complaining.

As soon as he saw Leo, Tsukasa sighed again. "Of course you wouldn't phone my driver." Then he extended his hand to take Leo's coat, as if Leo was still his king. Maybe he would always be his leader, anyway, even if now Tsukasa was calling him by his name and had no qualms ordering him around for work. Maybe Tsukasa was too used to this way of showing his affection and didn't feel the need to change it.

"Were you worried I'd get abducted by aliens, my dear? Don't worry, I didn't meet any! And even if I did, I wouldn't have followed them!" Leo gave his coat to Tsukasa and removed his shoes.

The anteroom of the suite had a small table with a chair. It had become one of the criteria when they had to book a room together: as Tsukasa was also a businessman, he needed a place to work. He would also email their new producer regarding Knights' performances for the next year, and he even helped Leo with his own career. Leo still didn't understand how he managed to reconcile his works and his private life, but Tsukasa made it look easy. It was a relief. Leo would never forgive himself if Tsukasa felt overwhelmed by burdens he was the one to put on his shoulders.

Tsukasa had made himself comfortable, removing his vest and tie, only wearing his shirt whose first buttons were open, and the sleeves rolled up. Tsukasa in his mid-twenties had nothing to do with the cute teenager who looked up to him with bright (and annoyed) eyes; he was way more attractive now. Yet Leo still found something adorable in the way he observed him.

"I wouldn't have missed our date for anything in the world, you know!" Then Leo's eyes landed on the pile of papers of the table. "Unless you're too busy to go out now, as it seems."

Tsukasa sighed. "Unfortunately, I have an emergency. I already called the restaurant to cancel and told the room service to bring us something."

He looked too distressed for Leo to make a joke. So he walked to him and hugged him tightly. That was literally one of the few things Leo could do for him, and he often hated his powerlessness. Not being able to be there for him all the time because he was travelling, not being able to assist him with Knights' jobs, not being able to free Tsukasa from worries - there were times when Leo was close to going back to hating himself. But he didn't.

Not when Tsukasa patted his shoulder, as if he wasn't the one being comforted. "As knights, it is our duty to properly celebrate Christmas. I promise you I'll take you out another day. I'm sorry, Leo-san."

His unneeded apologies were the last straw. The smell of his cologne, the touch of his hair against Leo's cheeks, his warmth inside his arms-

He had to compose.

"Don't apologize, Suou Tsukasa. As long as we spend this night together, I can't ask for more."

*

First, Tsukasa wasn't by his side to receive his Christmas present.

Then, Tsukasa didn't have enough time to go out on a date with his boyfriend.

Finally, the gift wasn't as complet as Leo hoped.

If there was one thing Leo was good at, it was turning his thoughts and sorrows into songs. It was even easier when it came to Tsukasa. All he had to do was raise his eyes from the couch and look at him. Even when he worked, his back was straight, a feat worthy of an ode in Leo's opinion. He never took a break; he switched between his laptop and papers to rest his eyes, otherwise, he never stopped. It wasn't the first time Leo watched him doing his best, and he still wasn't bored with this sight. His eyes went back and forth between Tsukasa and the score, his hand putting a quaver or a minim, and when he tore his eyes off of Tsukasa, his world became black and white. That was why he could proudly say Tsukasa was his muse. Because he was the one who brought colours to his world.

Another memory, from a time when they weren't in love with each other, came to his mind. From a time he thought Tsukasa was hating him. He was overwhelmed by inspiration, and it was almost uncomfortable - for a part of his mind knew he wasn't supposed to write his music on books, he knew it was wrong, but he didn't bring paper with him and he had no choice.

As he was ready to commit a sacrilege, he was distracted by a shadow before his eyes. Leo never got distracted, it was surprising. His eyes met Tsukasa's. The younger boy's head was in front of the window, blocking the sunshine, and the rays drew a crown of light around his hair. With this halo, he looked like an angel.

"Leader, please use these", he said, handing him familiar sheets. There was no valid reason for Tsukasa to own music scores: he didn't know anything about composing, and he obviously didn't like his leader enough to carry an item for his sake. Yet he was giving the sheets as if following Leo was his fate.

Leo couldn't understand. But, without a word, he took the pieces of paper. He knew that, if he talked, he would break the instant. And he quite liked this Suou Tsukasa who was happily staring at him at this very moment.

... Ah, this was the missing piece.

Leo burst out laughing, and Tsukasa turned his head, alarmed by the sudden noise. His confusion was obvious. He was probably wondering if his boyfriend's mind hadn't broken. To be fair, Leo himself wasn't sure it hadn't. But he felt good.

"What's wrong, Leo-san?" Tsukasa asked, voice laced with worry. He didn't complain because he was interrupted, no; he couldn't think of Leo as an inconvenience, not anymore.

"Gold", Leo whispered. That was the missing colour of his piece.

"Huh?"

Leo knew what he had to do. He stood up and bowed in a rather dramatical way before him. "Suou, I'm sorry. I told you I'd write a piece that would make you love yourself, but it turns out I forgot something important in the process."

Now, Tsukasa was truly confused. "What are you talking about?"

Leo straightened up. "You know, the concert we attended today..."

Tsukasa seemed to understand. The smile that bloomed on his face was, without a doubt, contented. "Oh. Do you perhaps mean, the present you wrote for me?"

So he realized.

Leo nodded. "Well, you haven't said anything about it, and I know it wasn't that great."

"No, Leo-san, I think it was perfect. I was deeply moved by the force of your love for me."

Leo sighed. Somehow, he wasn't convinced by the compliment. "But something was missing." He could feel it. He wondered why he didn't realize sooner what it was; why he noticed when it was already too late. He couldn't pretend he was a genius when he made that kind of stupid mistakes.

Yet Tsukasa was beaming. "I believe a single piece doesn't have to encompass all the feelings you have for me. Otherwise, there wouldn't be anything left for you to write."

The words freed something in Leo's heart.

Music, he remembered, wasn't something he was writing to say everything. He was only trying to express a part of his emotions, the short-lived sensations of bliss or of pain. He wasn't writing his whole life down, yet he seemed to have forgotten the most important thing. He had a long life with Tsukasa, ahead of him, and he had plenty of times to tell him how much he loved him. With his words, with his musics, with his everything.

He took his boyfriend's hand. "Then, did you enjoy your present?"

Tsukasa's eyes were gleaming when he answered: "Yes, Leo-san. I wholeheartedly enjoyed it. Thank you very much." Now, it sounded much more convincing.

These were the words Leo hoped to hear when he composed the piece.

Once again, Tsukasa saved him from himself.


End file.
